3.04.2004

Marriage
Divorce
Infidelity
Life

I lack both the experience and the knowledge to BLOG on these issues, but as a person with an opinion I choose to BLOG on anyway.....
I have only been married for over 4 years (and with my wife for nearly 9 years), it has been like most relationships the metaphorical roller coaster with very high highs and some rather low lows, and moments of calm unaware of the turns ahead. We have been able to handle most of what life has sent our way, in so many ways our lives are charmed. Our obstacles have been minor and few, yet we find battles and struggles just the same.
We are healthy, active, and moderately attractive.
Our home is a glorious house with nice furnishing in a wonderful location. (well there are some short comings, we are in Washington DC, not Utopia)
Our dogs are good when they are not being bad.
And our children are both healthy and strong with no great issues other than the basic adaptations that all children go through (sleeping,eating, going to bed, fighting for attention, making friends, sharing, learning physical skills, learning language, etc.)
Yet, life has its battles.
In my mind I think that one of the greatest error we all make in relationships, ANY RELATIONSHIP, is that failure to appreciate what we have. We tend to step into routine and take our surroundings for granted. We are selfish and greedy, always wanting more. Whether we fail to slow to pet our dog who greets us at the door, or we run quickly through the motions of getting our children ready for bed. Even our job, we all bitch about our job while we should be happy to have a job at all. It is tough to appreciate each moment for its intrinsic value. Each of us is tired after a long day, as a man all I want to do is put my feet up, grab a drink, and scan through the channels. In the world of love and romance we all spend so much time to get into a relationship, but rarely do we spend a fraction of the effort to stay in that same relationship. For some reason the "cartwheels" have stopped, we no longer strive to entertain and impress our mates, but instead we lounge about in our underwear with potato chip crumbs collecting on our full bellies (okay, that is me...maybe not you) Why do we let the magic fade?
It is hard.
Even if I want to do cartwheels, how can I expect my wife to have the time to watch them?
There is breastfeeding for one child and bathing and bedtime for the other. There is trash to be taken out and dogs that need to be walked, bills need to be paid, as well as an assortment of other domestic tasks.
In life I meet other men, some married and some divorced, with their age and years can come experience, so I try to probe these men for insight and guidance. Whether it is our pediatrician or a stranger in a bar, each man married or divorce has had time to reflect on his relationship, his strengths, his failures, and his successes. I ask and they answer.
Many offer the same textbook answers, "Communication is the key!"
others will tell you, "respect each others space, spend time apart"
it can be more simple that , "don't be a jerk!"...."don't cheat!"
In my mind any relationship can work, it just takes effort from each side. Egos need to be put aside and both members need to sacrifice and try. If we are respectful of our mates and slow things down and think how our actions effect them and how we may feel if the table were turned.
As in the case of infidelity/cheating. It would crush me to learn that my wife were cheating on me, thus it is obvious that I would never cheat on her and risk causing her that pain and jepordising all that we have worked for.
so....
Don't be petty.
Don't play games.
Act with a combination of your heart and mind.
Be considerate.
Understand that actions have consequences.
Every action has a reaction
.

etc.
back to work
or this action will have the reaction of me GETTING FIRED FROM MY JOB!
I doubt that I said anything worth reading
I doubt that anyone read this far

and article that helped inspire this topic
"Pitfalls of Marriage"

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