5.11.2004

FATHERHOOD/BROTHERHOOD and basic ramblings
Fatherhood is everything that people warned and claimed it would be
all the good/all the bad and more
the good clearly out weighs the bad
Dean can be such a joy
rapidly approaching three
he is such a little man
sometimes I think that I spend too much time just laughing and playing with him
we "wrassle" we giggle we scream til we are hoarse then scream some more
I tickle him til his infectious laugh over takes me
he runs full speed and pounces on me
he does this again, again, and again
til I am tired
then he does it some more
I call him "gator" in some back woods accent and toss him about the room
should I be training and teaching him
where is the 'structured play?'
are these the building blocks of his character?
are we headed down the wrong path?
...such is life
I am who I am and this is the father I shall be
Dean (and his baby brother Grant) is going to be a product of my efforts
my brother commented to his son eric at his 4th birthday party that I am a man of immediate gratification
this is true
there was no effort to argue and no need to take it the wrong way
it is discriptive and it explains the path of my life
as well as the contrast to my brother's
we are very much the same, yet also very different
it is peculuar how similar we are
and intriguing that all of our differences can be traced to that one variable
my being a person of immediate gratification
while my brother searches for the a further goal
perhaps that is why he has a PhD
and I drank my way through college in 4 and a half years
sure I understand the correlation between achievement and sacrifice
weigh the scales
I accept my loses for my immediate gains
it is who I am
it is how my life is going
I respect my brother, his choices, his achievements, and his sacrifices
but I do not wish to trade places with him or anyone else for that matter
the path I have taken is what got me here
I like who I am and I like the life I am living
the direction I am going is pleasing to me
sure so much of my life has been scripted by the wind
but as I have grown older certain roots have caused me to settle
wife and child
before that
dogs and house
all of these things are anchors
these things are all great rewards
none of which would have been achieved with some sacrifice
yet I still fall victim to fulfilling my immediate needs

sure dean and I do other things
we hike with the dogs
lately he has been on my shoulders more than on the trail
but when on the trail he knows to "stay on the trail"
"not to run with sticks in his hands"
and maybe a few other things
give me a minute
I think that I have taught him something somewhere

he is a winning negotiator
I rarely win an arguement with him
he asks to read a book
we read it
we read it 10 times
he asks that we read it again
we agree that this time will be the last
after that Dean says "can we read it one last time again?"
I explain that you can not have another last time
but he is always right
as we read it again
proving that the last last time was not the last

okay
I am blogging to blog
I have just been overtaken by the ability to use my laptop wireless in the other room
best I take a break
as my rants are long and running no where
I want to try to put something entertaining enough so that people come back
or at least enjoy what they are reading while they are here
I know I have enjoyed writing it
and I also enjoy going back and rereading some of this stuff
but this
I may come back and delete

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