ah... the failure of not pre-registering
ah... the short comings of not planning sooner in advance
ah... the error of listening to those voices in my head
the bike was tuned and the bags were packed
various forms of energy fuel were set aside...
directions had been printed
in short... I was all set
on Friday I had cleared this with my wife and made plans to drive down to the Richmond area for a race at Camp Hilbert
caught up with Cargo Mike and introduced the thought of racing on Sunday
we were each a strong maybe... 95% maybe... as the weekend progressed my maybe turned into a yes... then Saturday night as I prepped my gear I tried to connect with Cargo Mike for confirmation
could not make contact
I started to get some hesitancy on the notion of driving the GOOGLE MAPS estimated two hours and 22 minutes
I fought those demons
by the time I went to bed I thought I had beaten back those demons
my hesitancy had transformed into determination
then... this am when I woke I was not feeling 100 %
we often wake not feeling 100 %
in my semi sleep state I weighed the scales of driving two hours and 22 minutes solo and climbing back into bed
foolishly... I climbed back into bed
it was an easy argument for the demons in my head to win
morning self is not such a strong person
all of my little efforts to get to the race start could not trump the my lack of desire to drive that distance this morning solo
I tried to use my morning loose stool as my excuse
even though I knew that I would feel like a very different person by the noon time start
so... here it is.. not even 10AM and I am dreading my decision
"you always feel better on the bike..."
"nike says... just do it!"
"ride your bike... just ride your bike"
none of the usual phrases I use to battle these demons was strong enough to get me to load the car
I should have stopped listening to those voices and set things for auto pilot
I was up and out of bed a few minutes before I had planned
it is true... I should have just walked downstairs... poured some coffee and started my momentum
coffee could have made me strong enough to debate with the demons
the demons had a flimsy argument
yet the demons won
ah... those demons of malaise
ah... those demons of lethargy
those demons of stagnation over activity
how bad could the drive be?
I guess I have gotten lazy... I knew I had gotten lazy
most races are raced alone... it is not uncommon for me to go to races alone... it is faster and easier to travel alone... there is no cross down drives to get friends... just a straight shot to and from the race parking lot
but no... I caved to the voices in my head
knowing full well nothing cures my malaise better than riding/racing the bike
yesterday had beautiful weather for the bike
I am certain today will offer some beautiful weather for the bike
let me see if I can mustard up the motivation to go out and ride my bike
need to get over this hump
two hours to start time...
next time I will know to ignore those voices in my head
now if I could only ignore the voices of my sometimes needy children
ahhh... build your own LEGO SHIPS!