8.23.2014

Facebook and Birthdays... everybody's favorite day on Facebook


Happy Birthday to Me!

today is my birthday... yes, happy birthday to me

life does not always go as planned
today is a tough day
as we often take days like this to access where we are

where am I?
where am I headed?
I know where I have been but I am not quite sure where I am going

perhaps I need to focus on the positive and not dwell on the negative



trying...
I am really trying
but really... not seeing too much positive front and center

oh yes... my kids... yes, my kids... I love my awesome kids
they are the best thing in my world
and yes... they are awesome
that is something positive... I never forget that positive component of my life

Dean and Grant are happy, healthy, and whole
they make me so proud
they are good kids with so much to be proud of
I do love them so much

and my dog is good too
Didg is a good dog and fine companion 
so yes... another positive
things are sounding better already


then what am I so grumpy about?
oh... my elbow... my darn right arm and my gimp elbow

I still have not recovered from my elbow injury in the spring
in fact... I think I re-injured myself earlier this week
crashed my mountain bike while riding Rosaryville with my boys

lots of pain... stiffness.... and unhappiness
sorry... that injury does have a ripple effect on the rest of my life
my would be could be active life

a life that is still active... but significantly less active

not being able to used my right arm dictates a great deal of what I can or can not do


and well... the job
the job is not paying as much as I need
I can deal with the job not being the dream job
not everyone gets a dream job
but... I need a job that pays more money
looking... actively looking...

again... perspective
low paying job is better than no job
and this job may be the gateway to a better paying more stable job


in my short life I have lost a number of friends
death is around us



friends... I have friends
but I need to be a better friend
I think I have driven people way with my negativity
I am trying to be less negative
I am trying to dwell less on my weaknesses
but then... I do not want to sound like I am boasting if I focus on my strengths

what to do... what to do...


yes... there is much good in my world
need to focus on that
I have family... I have friends... yes my injury to my elbow has created certain temporary limitations
but in reality... I have my health
there are so many that contend with worse


a birthday is like New Year's Day
it is a day of hope and a day of reflection
I need to look at the positive
not to hide the negative
I need to reflect on the both the positive and the negative
but the positive needs more of my attention


life is good
I love life
my life is good
I need to keep things in perspective


there is more to my life than the bike and bicycle racing
I am really just a bicycle commuter who likes to mountain bike
I do not train... there are not coaches, power taps, supplements... just me and my bikes
my squeaky broken bikes

really... comparisions are not always healthy
but it is a good way to measure reality
so many others deal with worse than my current issues
there is death
there is bankruptcy 
there is cancer
there is so much more
me... I am sad because I do not have utopia


2014 has been an interesting year
this year I turn 47
today I turn 47
not sure when my midlife crisis is going to happen

maybe my midlife crisis is happening now





mid life crisis?
do I buy a convertible?
do I buy a motorcycle?
do I get a tattoo?
all these things sound great
but how do I know that this is mid-life crisis
and
how long can I milk this for?


I need to take this moment of "reflection" to aid in progressing forward
I need to take an honest look in the mirror
I need to take credit and blame for who I am and for who I am not
I am not the guy in the above photo... but I am the guy in the reflection in his sun glasses
but I need to look deeper
a metaphorical reflection


I need to reconnect with myself
I need to reconnect with the things I love

I need to trim some fat
both literally and figuratively 


writing\photography\cycling
I need to rekindle my love for these things
take a step back and regroup
then approach these things again

yes... I need to do something with the Gwadzilla archives
I have rough drafts of photo books
I need to make these accessible to the public
already so much has been lost to broken hard drives and inoperable computers


my boys... my boys are not babies any more
but they are not yet ready to move forward without my influence
they are 10 and 13
not 20 and 23



there have been milestones and achievements
there need to be more milestones and achievements
no... I do not expect A&E to do a biography on me
no... I do not expect to make the Forbes list
yet
I am not done producing

I view myself as being a late bloomer
I am counting on myself being a late bloomer

yes... PACE
Positive Attitude Changes Everything
I need to SET THE PACE
move forward as there is no going back

Happy Birthday to Me.

today is a good day
there is a whole lot of good in my world
I need to remind myself of this

yes HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!



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